Ever been alone in a room, talking out loud to yourself and then turning around and you realize that you are not alone?

For me, this is usually awkward.

Self-talk: We do it throughout the day. It’s normal. We began to self-talk when we were children.

Self-talk is a useful tool for motivation, to gain a more objective view of a situation and aid our memory. We find self-talk especially useful in difficult situations. And we can be fast talkers. Internal self-talk has been clocked at 10 times faster than our external speech.

 Self-talk combines our conscious thoughts with our current beliefs and biases.

Self-talk is important because it affects how we feel and what we do. 

A problem we encounter with self-talk is that not all of it is healthy or helpful. 

Self-talk is less helpful when it’s:

1 Unkind, rude to our self

• Current research indicates that speaking kindly to ourselves is healthier and usually more effective for creating change than being rude or harsh.          

2 Unwise, with limited perspective

• We make up stories to explain the world. Our self-talk is based on these stories. But our stories are not 100% true. We have limited data, we are biased, we have fallible  memories.

3 Pessimistic, hopeless

• Pessimism researched in a 30 year study by the Mayo clinic was significantly associated with a shortened lifespan and poorer mental functioning.  Other pessimism studies showed increased  risk of depression, anxiety, sleeping problems, obsessive-compulsive behavior and impaired social functioning.

Optimism, on the other hand, is linked with many significant health benefits. 

But, of course, the problem with purely optimist self-talk is that it’s not 100% true either.

How can we upgrade our self-talk to kindness and  build a genuine hope based on truer stories? 

Imagine now that you are alone talking in the room of your mind. What are the common topics and tone of your self-talk?

Now turn around. Are you alone?

I believe we are not. If you are like me, when you turn around in the room of your mind you find the presence of a loving, wise God.

          Lord, You are all around me . . . even before I say a word, you already know what I am going to say. Ps. 139:5,4 

If I am not the only one in my mind listening to my self-talk, then the logical action is to invite my loving Companion into the conversation.

3 advantages I’ve found of including God in the conversation: 

1. Kind speech The words I say to myself, as well as the words I sense from God, are kind in tone.
2. Wisdom and fuller perspective I am inviting a bigger perspective and greater wisdom into my thoughts.
3. Eternal hope  Hope is a fundamental characteristic of the Christian faith.

                               Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess (Heb: 10:23)

There are some challenges that come when we include God in our self-talk conversations.

Two of the challenges:

#1 We need a foundational belief (or even hope) that God is present and loving. If that belief is hard to come by, then reach out with a wild hope that God is here and loving. My experience is that this effort can bring good results.

#2 Our ability to hear God’s voice is limited and fallible.

As we all know, some people have done disturbing, unloving actions saying they ‘heard it from God.’

To counteract our limited, fallible listening skills here are 3 Checks and Balances. 

1. Wise individuals (consult wise people when you sense unusual ideas from God.)
2. Scripture (Does this fit with the overall values of Scripture -not just one verse?)
3. Time and observation (Watch the results and evaluate over time. Was this good or not?)

Though there are hazards in seeking to include God in our self-talk conversations I believe it is still a profoundly valuable practice. Self-talking to and listening to God is a skill that we can grow in and the improvements to our self-talk will be significant.

I began experimenting with turning my self-talk into conversations with God long ago, way back in high-school. It began because I found a little book at the bookstore (60 cents back then) by a seventeenth century cook who decided to form the habit of keeping company with God all day as he worked. I wanted to do that too, so I began to play with the idea of including God in my self-talk.  

My personal endorsement:

   Turning my self-talk into conversations with God is the best thought habit I have worked with in my life.

If you would like to join me in exploring the practice here is a short project to help.

Soul Sculpting Project: Self-talk: Inviting God into the Conversation 

(or quit talking to yourself as if you were the only one in the room)

1. For a minute observe your self-talk.
2. Now invite God into the conversation. Tell your thoughts to God/Jesus /Holy Spirit and ask for their thoughts. Listen.   

Lord,  You know all about me.

    You know my thoughts before I think them.

 You know where I go and where I lie down.

    You know well everything I do.

Lord, even before I say a word,

    you already know what I am going to say.

You are all around me—in front and in back.

    You have put your hand on me.

Your knowledge is amazing to me.

You would guide me.

    With your right hand you would hold me.

Psalm 139   Excerpts