Soul Sculpting: When Frustration Takes Over: Six Tactics to Take Control

You’re finally in your car driving home. The meetings today did not go well. Time is short and the stakes are high. Children are at risk. Your clients are making poor decisions. 

 As you replay the conversations in your mind, your frustration begins to mount.  Your shoulders tense, your gut clenches, your heart races.  The more you think, the more your frustration escalates.  You feel your body temperature rising. 

This frustration has taken over and you feel out of control.

Six Tactics to Take Control

Change the Situation

Tactic #1  Harness the emotion and put it to work. 

 What are our emotions good for? Emotions help us create motion. They provide us with the impetus and energy to make things happen.

• Take the energy and the focused attention you are experiencing and use them to find solutions for your problem.

 For me, it is essential to invite the Holy Spirit into this process, because the Holy Spirit has better ideas than I do. 

As you drive you notice that you are full of energy and your mind is riveted on your meetings and clients. You decide to use that energy and focus to search for ways to help your clients succeed.  You invite the Holy Spirit into the conversation and a fresh idea comes to mind. You  decide on a plan to test this idea tomorrow.  With a plan in place you notice your frustration is fading and has been replaced with a little hope.

Tactic #2 Turn the situation over to God for change.

•  Express your thoughts and emotions to God – with requests for change. 

 Invite God’ s intervention and wisdom using hand gestures, prayer journals, or praying with friends.

“Cast all your cares on him for he cares about you.” (and your clients) 1 Peter 5:7 

As you drive you decide to call for help. You call on One who is present and loving. You tell God about the situation and your frustration. You ask for help and wisdom. When you arrive home you sit in your car for a few minutes. You hold your cupped hands out, imagining  that you hold your clients, their kids and yourself.  You lift your hands to God and  release your concerns. 

Change Your Story

Tactic #3 Question your story

Where does this emotion of frustration come from? You are creating it. You feel that frustration is the appropriate emotion to go with your current situation. You may be hungry and tired, and those body sensations contribute to your frustration, but the primary reason that frustration comes at this moment is related to the story you are telling yourself.

• Invite the company of the Holy Spirit and use your H.E.A.D.

Ask these four questions:

• H. Helpful: Is this story/emotion helpful in my life?

• E. Evidence: What evidence supports my story and what evidence refutes my story?

• A.  Alternative: What is an alternative story that could also be true?

• D. Dial this down. De-catastrophize.  What is the worst case scenario? What is the best case scenario? What’s an in-between scenario?

As you drive you ask the Holy Spirit to join you as you use your  H.E.A.D.. Is this frustration helpful right now? No.  You recount  the evidence for and against your story and conclude that your story is fairly strong.   Is there an alternative story that could also be true?  You ask the Holy Spirit for a bigger picture.  Some fresh perspectives come to mind and with them you create new stories.   You dial down your catastrophe story to a more reasonable level. Your frustration has now de-escalated and you relax.

Tactic #4 Pick a better emotion — design a different story

What emotion would be appropriate and helpful right now? (What emotion would you like to be having?)

What story would help you create that emotion?

• Ask God to help you design a better story to create a better emotion.

Remember it is okay to design a new story, because the current story we are telling ourselves is not  100% true. We lack data, we are biased, our memories are faulty, and we don’t know the future. Meaning, we are not God. 

As you drive you decide your current emotion of frustration is not healthy or helpful. You would much rather have the emotions of hope and peace. You invite God to help you create a reasonable story to support these emotions. Your new story has a bigger view of the situation and includes the caring Hand of God. As you ponder this new possible story, new ideas of ways to work with your clients come to mind. A little hope begins to arise. Your heart is no longer racing. 

Change Your Body

Tactic #5  Breathe

Intentional breath is a powerful tool to change our body and mind.

• Begin a repetitive breath prayer like:

Inhale: Lord Jesus Christ,

Exhale: care for my clients.  OR 

Inhale: Holy Spirit,

Exhale:  fill me with Your peace

As you drive you begin to use intentional breath to calm your body. You turn this breath into a prayer that you repeat over and over. The deep breathing sends a signal to your body to turn on your parasympathetic system. You notice your heart rate slowing and your muscles easing. The prayer helps you release your worries, calm your mind, and refocus. You sense that you are not alone. God is here and God cares.

Tactic #6 Take care of your body,

It is easier to create positive emotions when our body feels better. Active movement is especially associated with positive emotions.

• Move- (dance, walk briskly,. . . ), eat, rest, . . .  

Step into God’s company and take care of yourself.

When you arrive home you get a good snack, put on your running shoes, and take the dog out for a fast walk. Your body begins to send “feel good’ chemicals into your system. Your mood lifts and hope slips in. Your dog is happier, too.

Soul Sculpting Project: Testing Tactics

1. Next time an unwanted emotional takeover begins, try one or two of the 6 tactics
2. Evaluate the tactic’s effectiveness to create change
3. Adjust and repeat the tactics that work for you

In a nutshell:

6 tactics to take control of unwanted emotions

1. Use the energy and focus of the emotion to take positive action.
2. Hand your situation over to God, requesting change.
3. Use your H.E.A.D. to change your story. Helpful? Evidence? Alternatives? Dial Down
4. Choose a better emotion and design a supporting story
5. Use intentional breath to change your body and focus
6. Take care of your body

These are just 6 of the many tactics we can use to take charge of our emotions.  Social support, doing good deeds, recalling what we are grateful for, music, new locations, . . . . The tactic list for adjusting emotions is extensive.  What tactics work well for you?

Emotions matter.

The good news: We can take control

Is emotional control instantly easy? Not usually. 

Is it a skill we can grow in? Yes.