Soul Sculpting Project: Deepening Forgiveness [Part 3 of Called to Forgive. But How?]

From my perspective it was a pretty dysfunctional family. Dad had a favorite kid that he lavished with presents and it didn’t help that the favorite kid was in the habit of relating his night-time dreams of superiority. When the jealous siblings saw their chance they took it.

Traveling slave traders removed the kid to the far off land of Egypt and the siblings even made a little money in the trade. The favorite kid, Joe, spent the rest of his life in Egypt. He had some good times, some prison time, and finally ended up with a high ranking government job where he designed a famine relief program. This program served a vast region and Joe’s own family was saved from starvation.

When Joe’s siblings relocated in Egypt they were concerned that Joe, in his new position of power, would retaliate. Joe responded to their concerns with these words:

“Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the survival of many people. Therefore, don’t be afraid. I will take care of you and your little ones.” (Gen 50:19-21)

Joe had moved into full forgiveness. Joe was released from his emotional prison and no longer framed his life around the injustice of being sold into slavery, Joe saw how this evil had brought about a great good.

This week let’s join Joe in the final step of our four phase forgiveness model.

In this step we find release from the emotional prison of unforgiveness by:

Decreasing our association with injustice
Finding ways we have grown
Looking for the good that can come from wrongdoing
Realizing we are not alone

The Prison of Unforgiveness

Joe spent time in a physical prison in Egypt. Had he refused to forgive his siblings he would have also been locked in an emotional prison.

Living in the prison of unforgiveness is hard on our body and mind.

Researchers see two primary reasons why unforgiveness is so hard on us.

1. Anger

There is, of course, a time to be angry. But this time must be limited or we will create a “toxic anger” that is damaging to our body. Prolonged anger is linked to a higher risk of heart disease, and poorer outcomes for people with existing heart disease.

When we “let the sun go down on our anger” we invite trouble. (Ephesians 4:26)

2. Stress

Like prolonged anger, chronic stress is hard on our body. Stress has been shown to lead to a suppressed immune system and an increased risk for cardiovascular issues. Stress is also associated with psychological distress.

On the other hand, research has shown that forgiveness is linked to:

reduced anxiety
reduced depression
improved heart health
stronger immune system
lower mortality rates

Forgiveness Steps 1,2,3 are found in previous blogs: https://soulsculpting.wordpress.com/2020/02/28/soul-sculpting-project-called-to-forgive-but-how/ https://soulsculpting.wordpress.com/2020/03/06/soul-sculpting-project-called-to-forgive-but-how-part-2-the-work-of-forgiveness/

This week I invite you to join me in the final step of Dr. Robert Enright’s forgiveness plan.

Soul Sculpting Project: Deepening Forgiveness

1 Invite the company of God.

2 Review the definition of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not:

Forgetting that an offense has ever happened
Condoning, excusing the wrong by saying, “it’s OK”
Dismissing, calling the offense insignificant, nothing to take seriously.
Reconciliation, which requires two people. An injured person can forgive without the offender’s involvement.
Pardoning is a legal transaction that releases the offender from the consequences of an action. Forgiveness is a personal transaction of release.

Forgiveness is: When a person overcomes negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors and replaces them with positive emotions, thoughts and behaviors towards an offender.

3. Ask:

How have I grown through this suffering?
What good that can come from this offense? (“You meant it for evil. God meant it for good.” Gen. 50:19-21)
How can I decrease my association with this offense?
Who else has done the hard work of forgiving? (You are not alone)
When have I been the one who needed forgiving? (Is there someone I could ask to forgive me?)