Soul Sculpting Project: The How of Loving One Another – Skill # 2
When was the last time you were in a conversation that just never got off the ground?
Conversation #1
- Dad: Hey, welcome home. How are you doing?
- Kid: Fine.
- Dad: Do you want a cookie?
- Kid: Yea.
- Dad: Did you play soccer today?
- Kid: Nod
- Dad: Did your team win?
- Kid: Yea.
It is difficult to be a good listener when the other person is not talking.
This dad is asking closed-ended questions: Questions that can be answered yes, no, or with a generic reply like ‘Fine’.
Unless you are with an active talker, closed-ended questions do not create an opportunity for you to do active listening.
- Closed ended questions often begin with ‘do’ or ‘did.’
Conversation #2
- Dad: Hey, welcome home. What do you want to eat?
- Kid: Five cookies. No, ten!
- Dad: Let’s start with two. What went well today?
- Kid: We won the game.
- Dad: Great. What it was like? Tell me about it, kick by kick.
- Kid: Well, we came out on the field . . .
This dad is using Open-ended questions. Open-ended questions cannot be appropriately answered with yes, no, or fine.
Sample open-ended starters:
- How did you…
- In what ways…
- Tell me about…
- What’s it like…
- What went well and why?
The question ‘What went well and why?’ is a open-ended question that opens a gold mine of well-being.
A regular practice of asking ‘What Went Well and Why ?’ is a clinically proven way to lower depression and promote well-being. The positive effects of this practice grow over time. Assessments performed 3 and 6 months after beginning this exercise determined that depression rates continued to lower each month. See the work of Dr. Martin Seligman.
Soul Sculpting Project: The How of Loving One Another – Skill # 2 Open-ended Questions
- In one conversation today ask open-ended questions and actively listen to the answers.
Bonus: Ask ‘What went well, and why?’ (Why = what caused it to go well.)
What is active listening? see: The How of Loving One Another, Skill # 1
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